Quick round-up of recent notable events: Litter picking event “successful” in Chesham despite one person turning up. A tree from a Rihanna video is dying in Northern Ireland. And someone farted in Grimsby. Thank you, spies. More to come.
Sorry for the delayed update. I’ve been busy/lazy but, as we know, the newz never sleeps. Here’s the roundup of recent headlines. There’s a phantom steam room urinator in Sidcup. A toaster caught fire in Bracknell. Hoodies are disrupting the peace again in Ulverston. Hereford hacks have been particularly snowed under, with both a 21-year old cat and a rebellious...
Story of urgent importance, captured by @MrAlexR. Other weekend highlights: Big mushrooms mistaken for sheep in Sussex; Man hit with bag of poo in Fulham; Bedfordshire man doesn’t win lottery (good quote from Camelot); And Carlisle smells of cheese.
The Olympics offered endless opportunities for local journalism: Usain Bolt ate some chicken in Basildon, unaware that a cat was impersonating him in Hove; Essex blamed the Olympics for the inevitable rise in STI rates before it started; And, never one to fail us, Gloucestershire did some vox-pops and banged out the most tedious article ever written. Thankfully, however, the Olympics did...
Lorry ‘negotiates tight bend’ in Norwich. @chriswhite_twit
West Midlands finds tenuous link to Titanic. Meanwhile, investigative journalists in Somerset seek to finally answer the question on everybody’s lips. A template is published in Gwent. Perfectly normal behaviour continues in Littlehampton.
Man in Axminster not arrested for drunk driving due to sobriety.
Meanwhile residents of Leeds hang bags of poo from tree.
Residents of Weymouth put lampshade on ‘aggressive’ street light.
In Northampton a pensioner who once ate a trolley is to retire from doing silly things.
Residents in Oxford are reminded not to park in the middle of the road. Thankfully a ‘public protest’ (yes her again) soon set the issue straight.
There’s a weird smell in Wigan.
Beware the bacon burglar of Redhill
From Holly @hollai
Man stuck in lift in Cirencester.
Gloucestershire Museum is to up its game this year if it wants to keep its reputation for rare historical artefacts.
ASBO sheep dies in Stroud.
Desperate times in Whitstable. Old but good eggs-clusive from Kent. Custard: No trifling matter Championed by Chris @chriswhite_twit
It was all kicking off in Hayward’s Heath this morning. Bonus journo points for informative photo caption.
Raise the alarm: Residents of Teddington plagued by mystery ’electronic’ noise. From Kat @TheRealKatC
Words fail me, unlike this journalist. I don’t know where this is but we all need to go there. Good find by culture spy @keeronyayts
Seagull suspected of crime in Brighton. Other suspects include ‘stray firework’ and ‘the sun’. Guilty
Big newz from Cumbria. From @chriswhite_twit
Man eats food in cafe: This groundbreaking news from Maidenhead is so big you have to buy the paper for the full report. Classic find by @garyandrews.
Safety first over on the Isle of Wight.
Only in the Midlands. Spotted by @ichaloner
More quality poo journalism from Sussex as dung catches fire in Sompting.
You’d think Sussex would have enough on its plate with loose tiles and a poo thief. Sadly not. According to this local press report, residents are now ‘completely indifferent’ to the opening of a new M&S.
The inanimate objects of Halifax experience an unfortunate start to the new year. From @garyandrews
Tile falls off roof in Worthing.
Man finds a big pear in Sutton. From @garyandrews
When a crowd of more than eight people saw something unidentifiable floating in the River Parrett last year, the Bridgwater Mercury stepped in. It later published this informative update, identifying the object as either a pig, cow, turtle or body. Not actual object.
Hunt for Worthing poo thief underway. @keeronyayts
Over in Powys it is confirmed that dragon sausages do not contain real dragons. And, just to be sure: “The trading standards department ran a full analysis - and proved there was no dragon in it.”
For anyone with doubts, a hat is a woollen head garment. I would rather know what I can get from the Information Centre for 50p.
This chilling account of an unprovoked attack on a chair set the local journalism bar pretty high back in 2007. It happened on the ‘grassy area’ in Kendal. How the chair might have looked.